and another thing....

seriously? red velvet cupcakes aren't diet food? you swear it? damnit! i guess i need to add that to my memory bank. ok, ok so i DID know that. i couldn't bear to throw the last sprinkles red velvet cupcake into the trash as part of my rid the cabinets of all evil food in 2009 plan so i did a bad thing, i ates it :o) ooops! yes, that is right--i ate it for breakfast and im coming on here to confess. i know it was wrong but i felt so right :) alas, i am

movin' on.....

i did good for lunch though with some tuna and im trying as best as i can to work in the water. i decided seeing as i have 2 dinners out this week and some drama, ok alot of drama, and some things to take care of, im not going holy moly hard cord diet rambo until thursday, new years day. im sure that will raise some eyebrows but it is what i think will work for me and that is what i need to work on. i am going to go to the grocery store and stock up on good for you foods and make some healthy meals to freeze this weekend, for sure. i have my two new exercise dvd's ready and waiting to be popped in the vcr and just for good measure and motivation i watched the biggest loser finale again last night and cried like a baby, again!

so this is it, im ready. i have a doctor's appointment set for this month that im terrified of.....it's with the girlie doctor and i've never been more terrified--total deer in headlights horrified. since my miscarriage and the horrendous treatment i received from my last doctor who saldy has an empty black box where her heart once was, i have been left with some deep scars. i have built up this fear of it all…..i have decided to look for other doctors and i *think* my mom :) may have found a strong new contender. she has practiced for many years, went to a good medical school, has children of her own and has also experienced a miscarriage. so….here is to hoping I found a winner. i am terrified of the what ifs, what if she tells me this, what if she does tests and finds that, etc. i think i have paralyzed myself with fear, as i do in many aspects of my life. just say a prayer, think a good thought, if you think of it and if, anyone out there is reading :)

and no worries, i wont gorge until thursday--im gonna ween myself off the goods, slowly but surely. fair well to my wonderful friends coca-cola and cheeseburger--oh how i will miss you.

xo

blog much?

so it would appear that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, is it not? i have some xplainin to do, i guess :o) sweet 3 month blog gap, right? whoops! life got away from me for a little bit, the cheeseburgers and the christmas cookies crept back in and here i am.....again. this time though, it's different. this time i am totally focused and getting my rear in gear. in 2009, it's mine!

i plan to use this blog as a daily tool to track everything i put into my mouth and anytime i pick up my feet to move my butt. it may come across to others as a snooze fest but it's my very own little progress chart, my motivational tool and my journey to the other side. anyone who has ever struggled with their weight knows how much it can take over your life. my goal is to not let that happen. my goal is to over take the weight and no longer let the weight take over me.

i will weigh in tomorrow to see how much damage those glorious cheeseburgers, caramel popcorn and too much stuffing at thanksgiving have done to these hot hips and behind! i will be posting my weight and measurements this week and then weekly thereafter for my weight and probably monthly for the measurements.

i'm sitting here with a stack of recipe, fitness and healthy living books staring me in the face so i must be off......see you soon though my lovelies, i promise.

and remember in 2009, it's mine (and yours, too!)