this week was my rededication and the start of getting myself back on track physically, mentally, nutrionally, etc. and wow am i amazed at the results i was able to pull. i am not quite sure how, aside from the obvious but i somehow managed to kick 11 pounds to the curb this week and damn does it feel good--better than the biggest, juciest cheesburger, ever. did i just say that? well damn it, it's the truth!
so this week, week 2 i am going to keep on pushing. i don't expect to drop 11 pounds again but you know what, that's ok--as long as i drop something and i continue to work towards my goal of making this happen, it's all good.
on friday night my healthy, average weight husband who is more than aware that i am on a diet, decides to bring home 2 KFC 2 piece chicken meals with cole slaw and mashed potatoes and gravy for us to eat from dinner. whhhhha? he couldn't be serious, could he? i mean hello k freakin f c dude? who does that? this is even after he bought me 2 candy bars from this new candy shop that opened nearby. i sat there sort of half stunned half irritated. i hadn't been to the grocery store and it was a toss up between eating a light mayo and ketchup cracker sandwich or taking a stab at the greasy, calorie laden KFC. i was honestly afraid to eat it because with me if i have one bite of the darkside it is sooooooooooooo easy to get hooked and not come back. i had a few bites of the coleslaw and the wing and one bite of the heavenly mashed potatoes and put my fork down. enough was enough. i gave the entire meal to dh to eat and at a can of tunafish instead. i faced temptation in the eye and although i indulged a wee bit more than i should have, the lightbulb still went off and early enough this time before i could do some real damage!
after a looooooooooooooooooong talk about being a diet saboteur i think dh knows better than to come home with candy bars and KFC again :) thankfully eventhough sin passed my lips, i still pulled out some seriously big numbers this week! WOO HOO!
until next time
xo
Monday, March 30, 2009
Thursday, March 26, 2009
holy stress batman :o)
i am amazed at how very stressful my job is and how much stress can lend itself to overeating or eating the wrong things. obviously using food as a destressor is another thing i need to stop doing.
yesterday i had a craptastic day of pushing papers and when i got home the temptation was definately there when dh and i went out to eat. i was SOOO tempted and he was no help trying to shove food in my face and hit me with the "you can't give up everything all at once speech"....i secretly think he wants me to stay fat but that's a whole nother dr. phil show that i just don't have the energy to get into right now.
i did good--i made better choices than i have made in the past. did i have a salad with light dressing? hell to the no--but did i eat pizza? no on that as well folks. i went slightly over my calorie range but not by too much. i made a relatively good choice and am back in the saddle full force again today, not beating myself up about the 100 calories i went over yesterday. i'm here and i'm still trying to kick some butt.
i may decide to weigh in on friday--can't decide if i want to use friday's or monday's as my weigh in date--we shall see.
until later
xo
yesterday i had a craptastic day of pushing papers and when i got home the temptation was definately there when dh and i went out to eat. i was SOOO tempted and he was no help trying to shove food in my face and hit me with the "you can't give up everything all at once speech"....i secretly think he wants me to stay fat but that's a whole nother dr. phil show that i just don't have the energy to get into right now.
i did good--i made better choices than i have made in the past. did i have a salad with light dressing? hell to the no--but did i eat pizza? no on that as well folks. i went slightly over my calorie range but not by too much. i made a relatively good choice and am back in the saddle full force again today, not beating myself up about the 100 calories i went over yesterday. i'm here and i'm still trying to kick some butt.
i may decide to weigh in on friday--can't decide if i want to use friday's or monday's as my weigh in date--we shall see.
until later
xo
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
good evening boys and girls....
yesterday i managed to stay within my calorie range and also got in a walk for the first time in a long time. i attempted to drag the hubs with me but his video game appeared to be more importante. as if! anyway--he promised he would go with me later in the week so we will see. at about 10 minutes into it my ankles and shins were cursing me and i wanted to set myself on fire but alas, i forged on. i had forgotten how hard it was to get back into exercising when a) you are someone of my size b) you've been on one insanely long hiatus. im proud that i was motivated enough to do it and stick it out. here's to many more days of that!
i haven't taken new measurements yet which i need to do but i can't find my tape measure. i think the last time i used it i got mad at it and banished it from my house--we shall see.
i ate well today and stayed in range again and did well eating my fruits and veggies and drinking my water. it's about 9:30 and this is usually the time i would go beat down anyone who stands in between me and the fridge. instead, i think i will go watch the biggest loser that i have tivoing instead......seems like a much better option.
until next time, remember you are worth it. every last bit.
xo
yesterday i managed to stay within my calorie range and also got in a walk for the first time in a long time. i attempted to drag the hubs with me but his video game appeared to be more importante. as if! anyway--he promised he would go with me later in the week so we will see. at about 10 minutes into it my ankles and shins were cursing me and i wanted to set myself on fire but alas, i forged on. i had forgotten how hard it was to get back into exercising when a) you are someone of my size b) you've been on one insanely long hiatus. im proud that i was motivated enough to do it and stick it out. here's to many more days of that!
i haven't taken new measurements yet which i need to do but i can't find my tape measure. i think the last time i used it i got mad at it and banished it from my house--we shall see.
i ate well today and stayed in range again and did well eating my fruits and veggies and drinking my water. it's about 9:30 and this is usually the time i would go beat down anyone who stands in between me and the fridge. instead, i think i will go watch the biggest loser that i have tivoing instead......seems like a much better option.
until next time, remember you are worth it. every last bit.
xo
Monday, March 23, 2009
this girls got issues.....but she's starting anew
so long time no blog and alla that jazz. im going to get better at this, for realsies this time.
i've been doing some thinking and soul searching here recently and i had my big a ha moment as oprah would say. the light bulb actually went off and it was a hard pill to swallow, for many reasons. simply put, i've got issues. i don't think my issues are so severe that i need to be fitted for a jacket that ties in the back or anything like that, just yet. i do however realize that if i don't address the root of the problem, nothing will ever change. i have gone up and down, up and down on the scale in the past year or so. i lose 10, gain 2, lose 1, gain 3, etc. it has been this way for months and months and i was too ashamed to see it and really admit it. i would blame it on anyhing and everygthing and never take full responsibility for any of it. that my friends has got to change.
back in january of 09' when i started to feel horrible, well when i finally went to the doctor to find out why i was feeling horrible for so long, i was met with some news that i didn't like and i didn't deal with it as i should. i learned that i was hypothyroid and also had high blood wasn't as good as it could be, although not horrible, not superfantabulous either. all of these things are VERY common and i heard from alot of people it was no big deal, not to get worked up about it, etc. honestly though, they are a big deal, a big deal to me. these are things that i had never personally experienced before and i didn't really know how to deal with them.
for as long as i can remember, i was always the fat chick who had no "backlash from the fat"--my bp was good, my cholesterol, etc. i just wore a much larger size jeans and didn't get whistled at as much by the boys. i can remember sitting in the surgeon's office at like 28 years old, being evaluated for gastric bypass and having the surgeon say although i was definately obese, i had no comorbidities. i thought it was odd, like he was saying it like it was a bad thing. i remember thinking to myself that i was lucky. although i was chubby stuff i was still "healthy". when i saw that being ripped from my hands panic and terror set in. when i was hit with reality, it hit hard. i know that being overweight is not the reason i am hypothyroid and it may not even be the reason i have high bp, as it runs in my family, even the stick skinny ones, but it did suck getting the news and it scared and rattled me.
for the first week after i learned i was no longer what i deemed the healthy fat chick, i went into turbo mode, avoiding salt like the plague, writing down each milocalorie that passed my lips and consuming more water than most camels do in their lifetimes. then it stopped. the shit hit the fan and the walls came crumbling down. i was a fat girl who had some issues to address. rather than address them, i tried to hide from them, tried to deny them and tried to eat them away. eating, after all, was and had always been my comfort. it was my non judgemental friend who always pulled me through. no mas people, no mas.
over the past month i have done alot of soul searching and more recently over the last weekish or so. im worth more than this. while i dont feel the numbers on the scale, on the blood pressure monitor and on the cholesterol tests are not a reflection of my true being, those numbers are saying something. today those numbers are telling me to stop, think about what i want and go after it! today my scale told me to put the cheeseburgers down and get my fat ass in gear, sister. stop watching life pass you by, stop watching it from the side lines and get out there and do it.
so i listened and here i am. i have rededicated myself to this, to my life, to myself. it will be a battle, i know it but it's a battle i must take part in. no more giving up or giving in. no more making myself believe i dont deserve it-- none of that this time. i am restarting this journey at 383 pounds, which is down 63 pounds from when i first started. woop woop! i will use my blog as not only a tracking tool but as a way to work and address my issues. even if i don't have any readers, it's better to talk to the computer than a bag of ruffles.
xo
i've been doing some thinking and soul searching here recently and i had my big a ha moment as oprah would say. the light bulb actually went off and it was a hard pill to swallow, for many reasons. simply put, i've got issues. i don't think my issues are so severe that i need to be fitted for a jacket that ties in the back or anything like that, just yet. i do however realize that if i don't address the root of the problem, nothing will ever change. i have gone up and down, up and down on the scale in the past year or so. i lose 10, gain 2, lose 1, gain 3, etc. it has been this way for months and months and i was too ashamed to see it and really admit it. i would blame it on anyhing and everygthing and never take full responsibility for any of it. that my friends has got to change.
back in january of 09' when i started to feel horrible, well when i finally went to the doctor to find out why i was feeling horrible for so long, i was met with some news that i didn't like and i didn't deal with it as i should. i learned that i was hypothyroid and also had high blood wasn't as good as it could be, although not horrible, not superfantabulous either. all of these things are VERY common and i heard from alot of people it was no big deal, not to get worked up about it, etc. honestly though, they are a big deal, a big deal to me. these are things that i had never personally experienced before and i didn't really know how to deal with them.
for as long as i can remember, i was always the fat chick who had no "backlash from the fat"--my bp was good, my cholesterol, etc. i just wore a much larger size jeans and didn't get whistled at as much by the boys. i can remember sitting in the surgeon's office at like 28 years old, being evaluated for gastric bypass and having the surgeon say although i was definately obese, i had no comorbidities. i thought it was odd, like he was saying it like it was a bad thing. i remember thinking to myself that i was lucky. although i was chubby stuff i was still "healthy". when i saw that being ripped from my hands panic and terror set in. when i was hit with reality, it hit hard. i know that being overweight is not the reason i am hypothyroid and it may not even be the reason i have high bp, as it runs in my family, even the stick skinny ones, but it did suck getting the news and it scared and rattled me.
for the first week after i learned i was no longer what i deemed the healthy fat chick, i went into turbo mode, avoiding salt like the plague, writing down each milocalorie that passed my lips and consuming more water than most camels do in their lifetimes. then it stopped. the shit hit the fan and the walls came crumbling down. i was a fat girl who had some issues to address. rather than address them, i tried to hide from them, tried to deny them and tried to eat them away. eating, after all, was and had always been my comfort. it was my non judgemental friend who always pulled me through. no mas people, no mas.
over the past month i have done alot of soul searching and more recently over the last weekish or so. im worth more than this. while i dont feel the numbers on the scale, on the blood pressure monitor and on the cholesterol tests are not a reflection of my true being, those numbers are saying something. today those numbers are telling me to stop, think about what i want and go after it! today my scale told me to put the cheeseburgers down and get my fat ass in gear, sister. stop watching life pass you by, stop watching it from the side lines and get out there and do it.
so i listened and here i am. i have rededicated myself to this, to my life, to myself. it will be a battle, i know it but it's a battle i must take part in. no more giving up or giving in. no more making myself believe i dont deserve it-- none of that this time. i am restarting this journey at 383 pounds, which is down 63 pounds from when i first started. woop woop! i will use my blog as not only a tracking tool but as a way to work and address my issues. even if i don't have any readers, it's better to talk to the computer than a bag of ruffles.
xo
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